I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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