What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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