I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize