Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
