No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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