Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
