Acid is not a monday night drug
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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