remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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