so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize