i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
