dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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