she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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