I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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