Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm at about main and main street
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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