Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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