just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
