he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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