I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
