DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
