just tell him i said nine months
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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