I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
