you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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