could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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