By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
