Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
