I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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