Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
