yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
