YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
