member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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