I'm so fucking centered right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
