She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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