he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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