I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
