i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
