when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
