exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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