There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
