my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
