i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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