This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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