i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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