I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
