Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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