Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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