I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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