pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
