his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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