my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need water and some morals
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
