Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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