This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
