Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
