I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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