They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize