he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
