Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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