LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
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Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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