: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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