she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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