The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
